The Unihorn EP

by Passion Party

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1.
Poor & Sexy 03:40
(Chorus) I can't afford the fancy things This dinner's two-for-one   The bottom shelf is all you get And these drinks are on your tab (End Chorus) Hey Honey, I know you like the finer things, Fast cars, rock stars And diamond rings   But it’s time to change teams, ‘Cause what I like to bring Is an extra bus pass, with just enough cash To ride with me   The wheels on the bus go round-and-round While our feelings of lust are pound-for-pound Out--weighing the balance in my bank account   But that goes without saying I’m just glad we’re hanging out   I… Love the way you rest your head on my shoulder It's pretty amazing, Since I just ran out of deodorant.   The love in the air Overpowers the stench of my hair You sit right there Even though I’m worse for wear.   You’re in trouble now.. The bus stops right in front of KFC And I’m treating you to a Double-Down   Well only half actually.. One chicken fillet for you And one for me   No, no time wasting... As I peel off each piece of bacon The combination of cheeses Has our taste buds quaking   The only decision you’ll be making Before this delicious meal Is Original Recipe or Grilled..   I, I... Fill ya up right don’t I baby I’m not uptight like those other guys baby   I know that you love me Even though I’m not wealthy Rich is the new ugly Poor is the new sexy!   (Chorus) I can't afford the fancy things This dinner's two-for-one   The bottom shelf is all you get And these drinks are on your tab (End Chorus)   Barely 5-foot-9, Skinny as a rail Just as pale as a polar bear cub But cuddly as well..   You can tell by my freckles, I’m part ginger with no--soul And I’m often getting heckled.   The bags under my eyes Match my black, hooded sweatshirt Got your heart beating so fast That I bet your chest hurts..   Lets get to work.. No, wait I’m unemployed No wallet, just a coin purse And food stamps in these corduroys!   I’m so much better than the next man Still rocking a beeper Because I can’t afford a text plan   Approaching my mid-thirties Looking like a 12-year old Shoulder width of a woman Vanity Fair’s new centerfold   This sunken-in look Makes me your main-hotty Same demeanor, same body As Renton from Trainspotting   I know you love me Even though I’m not healthy Buff is the new ugly Skinny’s the new sexy!   (Chorus) I can't afford the fancy things! This dinner's two-for-one!   The bottom shelf is all you get! And these drinks are on your tab! (End Chorus)
2.
Tingle 03:47
(Chorus) Every time I look into your pretty little eyes, baby! I find my fire burning Deep-down In--side!   Just one look, That tingle in my nerve..   I just wanna study ya, And every little curve, baby! (End Chorus) Let me be the student And you the professor Put on your reading glasses It’s time to play dress up   Once we’re both in character We won’t mess up,  I’m tingling Thinking of fingering each answer out   Any chance of doubt Is steadily dwindling I watch you prance about In your blouse, eating Entenmann's   So sexy, You’re my powdered pastry  Blowing me sugar kisses You never cease to amaze me..   (Banter)   You’re my prime rib highness, One of the finest Cuts of meat To strut the street in silence   I’m just Linus With my blanket, walking mindless Perhaps I need a spanking For disregarding your kindness..   Ouch!   I didn’t intend to strike a nerve, Just trying to be a nice guy With a quiet concern.   You’re my meat and potatoes With the spices that burn! Take a seat at the table I’m gonna wine and dine the shit out of you.. (Banter)   (Chorus) Every time I look into your pretty little eyes, baby! I find my fire burning Deep-down In--side!   Just one look, That tingle in my nerve..   I just wanna study ya, And every little curve, baby! (End Chorus)   After a full belly Combined with a drink or two My heart'll turn to jelly Let me tell you what I think of you   Turn your head around.. Let me see that modelistic set of sunsets Caressing your center brow   I think you know where we’re headed now.. Back to my Temperpedic- Pressure-treated bed To mess around   I jump out the bathroom Dressed like a clown. You take one look at my shoes, And then you know we’re getting down   Let my Mickey-Mouse hands Touch those sexy, brown strands I’ve got a trick up my sleeve And a gun in my pants.   Playing... baby roulette Packing bullets in a surplus, Love-making so intense Its like fires at the circus   You like my attire? The proof is in the purchase I bought it just for you Through tireless Google searches   Wireless web cam Attached to the bed-stand We’ll have a million fans--by morning   (Chorus) Every time I look into your pretty little eyes, baby! I find my fire burning Deep-down In--side!   Just one look, That tingle in my nerve..   I just wanna study ya, And every little curve, baby! (End Chorus)
3.
I like, really wanna take you to the theater See a non-romantic comedy And listen as you repeat the words   I'll smirk as you finish Adam Sandler's sentences While we're sippin’ on our colas Eating peanut butter sandwiches   The time we spend together Sure does have advantages But I could care less about Knowing where your parents live   I don't mean to be to mean And I'm sorry you were not warned But we won't be sharing secrets Not even this bag of pop-corn   It's not that I'm not caring We could watch porn But don't try any funny stuff This package is labeled, "Not Yours"   I like to keep my bubble Distant from your peeps and mumbles You view the forest for the trees But all I see is trouble   From sea to shining sea be all that you can be Cause it's a hustle...   But you’ll never understand me.. So we will never be a couple   Even though your breasts are supple To this boy in a bubble It's all toil and trouble, like (Chorus) I like.. I like you to DEATH I like you... I like you to DEATH I really like you... but I don't LOVE you Don't really wanna KISS But I sure do wanna HUUUUG!   I like.. I like you to DEATH I... like you... And I will like you until DEATH I don’t like-like you, Even though I trust you There will never be an US It’s just YOU! (End Chorus)   I like, really wanna to take you to the pitch-n-putt Be hopeful about hole-in-ones And play a little catching up   It's been a minute since you and I relaxed and junk So, grab your ball But not mine...   See how easily I can pass the buck? Fasten up your hands to that club And swing your arms like a pendulum   It’s all about your center of gravity But, while I hold your head straight Don’t take it as me being your majesty   You’d like to be my queen I’m well aware you’re all "hot for teacher" And everything in-between   But you cannot win this prize By acting all, “Charlie Sheen” Nor looking back at me with those bright, googly eyes   It’d be stupid for you to devise A plan to become concubines Despite the AstroTurf hills We both have to climb   Our friendship is endless And any more is asinine Perhaps me drawing the putting line Was just a matter of time, and I...   (Chorus) I like.. I like you to DEATH I like you... I like you to DEATH I really like you... but I don't LOVE you Don't really wanna KISS But I sure do wanna HUUUUG!   I like.. I like you to DEATH I... like you... And I will like you until DEATH I don’t like-like you, Even though I trust you There will never be an US It’s just YOU! (End Chorus)   I like, really wanna take to you the bowling alley Pick up a couple spares, drink some beers Just roll and rally   We'll share a handful of high-fives As the fun increases our life-lines I'll even let you control the tally   But the thing is, I already told you, Sally Despite your fair stance, and implants You don't peak my valleys   You don't speak my language Even though you're so sweet You seem to strike out With each and every advance...   I’m not even talking pins You’re lost in grins   The ginger kids In the opposite lane Can see the awkwardness As I cringe   Watching your granny throws Expose your panty-hose You think it’s, "oh, so sexy" While my head's like, “OH NOES!”   It’s time to take you home, We won’t.. be following this with karaoke That’s all she wrote   I surely don't need you to Hold me closely, Tiny Dancer Nor share a drunken duet Of Private Eyes by Hall and Oates   (Chorus) I like.. I like you to DEATH I like you... I like you to DEATH I really like you... but I don't LOVE you Don't really wanna KISS But I sure do wanna HUUUUG!   I like.. I like you to DEATH I... like you... And I will like you until DEATH But keep your lips zipped, This is only friendship There will never be an US It’s just YOU! (End Chorus)
4.
The Unihorn 04:11
You’re the one who makes me giddy-up, baby These hoofed feet and bare chest Have got you thinking maybe..   I could get with this Suckle that horn like it's licorice Until the break of dawn   I know you’re ticklish, Despite the warnings of your fickle friends This ride has its benefits   You can be my Pegasus Your wings will spread Until things in bed Get ridiculous   Lets put an end to this And by the end I mean I'm giving you the tip of tenderness   It’s just a subtle reference. You can manhandle My man-candle Until the wick is lit   So quick-like lickity-split I’ve got the cure For that wet dream Nicotine fit   Blow it out girl Make a wish But give it some spit Cause it’s gonna be a night That you’ll never forget, like   (Chorus) Just ride the Unihorn, And strap that saddle on   Just ride that beast Until the early mutha-fuckin’ morn’   He's such a sexy thing, Just please unzip my fly!   He'll teach you all the things You want to know down-deep inside! (End Chorus)   My ivory is lively And ribbed for your pleasure Let’s see how far you can go Break out the tape measure   That look of shock Means you’re ready to rock It’s such a treasure Watching you riding that…   Stop!   Not so fast I want this to last You’ll be breaking this steed While I’m tapping that   As…   We proceed, Passion will lead To a magical seed Creating a new Fantastical breed   As you will see once you're Fastened to me The spur of the moment Combined with this durable component   Makes bestiality A keen reality More phallic than fallacy More callous than Caligula   I’m big enough To pierce right through Your fantasies Of actors, and poet’s haikus   I’ve been galloping for days For a girl like you Half-man, Half-equestrian.... times two   (Chorus) Just ride the Unihorn, And strap that saddle on   Just ride that beast Until the early mutha-fuckin’ morn’   He's such a sexy thing, Just please unzip my fly!   He'll teach you all the things You want to know down-deep inside! (End Chorus)   Sure it’s a challenge Balancing on this ballast Bracing against waves Of passion, fillin’ your palette   With an amount of malice For hours with this thoroughbred You’ll need an ice pack Afterwards to soothe your head   My hooves’ll hurt But once we’re through in bed The proof will spurt In the form of rainbows..   We’ll wake up in the same clothes Laying next to a pot of gold Already attained though   The goal's been met.. You’ll still be tossing and turning With night sweats   Just a result of last night's caress You'll be hugging your bedpost As if it was my likeness.. You'll be tugging that bedpost As if it was my likeness...   (Outro) The Unihorn.. Such an abstract apparatus You’ll assume I’m deformed   The Unihorn.. An acrobat in the sack Giving you an asthmatic attack   The Unihorn.. Party in the front (Yeah), Saddle in back   The Unihorn.. Turning your most secret fantasy Into a matter of fact!   (Chorus) Just ride the Unihorn, And strap that saddle on   Just ride that beast Until the early mutha-fuckin’ morn’   He's such a sexy thing, Just please unzip my fly!   He'll teach you all the things You want to know down-deep inside! (End Chorus)
5.
Mantis 03:38
(Chorus) I can hear those babies crying..   You’ve got to know, I’m trying and trying!   Put the pump to the nip My baby won’t take a sip   With my fist to the skies I curse these fucking MAN TITS! (End Chorus) Why did god give men nipples? You’d think it’d be all so simple   But I can’t get just a dribble? What the hell is the the point Of these over-sized pimples?   I couldn’t be any clearer than crystal Staring in the mirror at two blank pistols   I wish they'd just blast off like missiles There ain't no cream in this crop So I've got ISSUES   These tweezers have the meanest crunch  I’ve even tried a penis pump   But the wells are dry They fail to supply the nectar Baby needs for lunch   It’s not like I need breed and such Just want some double-D’s to touch   If God would grant my wish I’d plant a kiss on each And it’d mean SO MUUUCH   I’m praying like a mantis...   Shooting blanks from these Poor excuses for “man cannons”   My seed is crying and I can’t stand it My lady’s away, so I can’t abandon it   There’s only so much Similac in the cabinet I tried the cat, but she ain’t havin’ it   I’m running out of options..   Should of gone with adoption But it’s too late now   (Chorus) I can hear those babies crying..   You’ve got to know, I’m trying and trying!   Put the pump to the nip My baby won’t take a sip   With my fist to the skies I curse these fucking MAN TITS! (End Chorus)   Let’s say that I worked for Gerber Would you consider me a pervert?   Investing funds in research Inventing guns that could squeeze spurts Out of my teats with fervor   If there could only be a merger That would help me feed and nurture   I wouldn't need a curse word I’d put baby's thirst first Milky-Way cradling ‘til the curds burst   Ain't nothing wrong with a little man lactation Let’s gene splice this adaptation   I need more than a apparatus Attached to back fasteners To satisfy my aspirations   My emotions are all glass cased-in A sealed bottle with an expiration   It’s my guilt-filled plan To become 2% milkman, The rest fascination   This may come as a shocker... But oh, what I could do with some equal knockers I’d be the who’s who among a group of imposters…. More famous than Jack Byrnes from Meet the Fockers   Can’t a man just have turns to feed the foster...Kid Wasn’t planned sure, but neither was me the father   I’m not try to preach a gospel My needs aren’t hostile I just agree that it’s possible!   (Chorus) I can hear those babies crying..   You’ve got to know, I’m trying and trying!   Put the pump to the nip My baby won’t take a sip   With my fist to the skies I curse these fucking MAN TITS! (End Chorus)

credits

released February 10, 2012

Produced by Passion Party
Written by Tim Stiles and Adam Drew
Beats & Synth by Adam Drew
Arrangement by Tim Stiles
Feat. Timmy Conroy on Trumpet
Mixed by Masa Fukudome
Mastered by Gary Reynolds
Cover Art by Jordan Stiles
Mixed and Mastered @ Electrokitty Studio (Seattle, WA)

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Passion Party Seattle, Washington

Passion Party defines the genre of 'satirical hip-hop.' With the utmost cleverness and tact, we tackle themes encompassing self-deprecation, love, real-life, fantasy, nerd culture, and first world problems - topics traditional hip-hop acts wouldn't dare broach. We aim to ensue laughs and entertain all walks of life. ... more

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