The Unihorn EP

by Passion Party

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1.
03:40
2.
03:47
3.
4.
04:11
5.
03:38

credits

released February 10, 2012

Produced by Passion Party
Written by Tim Stiles and Adam Drew
Beats & Synth by Adam Drew
Arrangement by Tim Stiles
Feat. Timmy Conroy on Trumpet
Mixed by Masa Fukudome
Mastered by Gary Reynolds
Cover Art by Jordan Stiles
Mixed and Mastered @ Electrokitty Studio (Seattle, WA)

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Passion Party Seattle, Washington

Passion Party defines the genre of 'satirical hip-hop.' With the utmost cleverness and tact, we tackle themes encompassing self-deprecation, love, real-life, fantasy, nerd culture, and first world problems - topics traditional hip-hop acts wouldn't dare broach. We aim to ensue laughs and entertain all walks of life. ... more

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Track Name: Poor & Sexy
(Chorus)
I can't afford the fancy things
This dinner's two-for-one
 
The bottom shelf is all you get
And these drinks are on your tab
(End Chorus)

Hey Honey, I know you like the finer things,
Fast cars, rock stars
And diamond rings
 
But it’s time to change teams,
‘Cause what I like to bring
Is an extra bus pass, with just enough cash
To ride with me
 
The wheels on the bus go round-and-round
While our feelings of lust are pound-for-pound
Out--weighing the balance in my bank account
 
But that goes without saying
I’m just glad we’re hanging out
 
I…
Love the way you rest your head on my shoulder
It's pretty amazing,
Since I just ran out of deodorant.
 
The love in the air
Overpowers the stench of my hair
You sit right there
Even though I’m worse for wear.
 
You’re in trouble now..
The bus stops right in front of KFC
And I’m treating you to a Double-Down
 
Well only half actually..
One chicken fillet for you
And one for me
 
No, no time wasting...

As I peel off each piece of bacon
The combination of cheeses
Has our taste buds quaking
 
The only decision you’ll be making
Before this delicious meal
Is Original Recipe or Grilled..
 
I, I...
Fill ya up right don’t I baby
I’m not uptight like those other guys baby
 
I know that you love me
Even though I’m not wealthy

Rich is the new ugly
Poor is the new sexy!
 
(Chorus)
I can't afford the fancy things
This dinner's two-for-one
 
The bottom shelf is all you get
And these drinks are on your tab
(End Chorus)
 
Barely 5-foot-9,
Skinny as a rail
Just as pale as a polar bear cub
But cuddly as well..
 
You can tell by my freckles,
I’m part ginger with no--soul
And I’m often getting heckled.
 
The bags under my eyes
Match my black, hooded sweatshirt
Got your heart beating so fast
That I bet your chest hurts..
 
Lets get to work..
No, wait I’m unemployed
No wallet, just a coin purse
And food stamps in these corduroys!
 
I’m so much better than the next man
Still rocking a beeper
Because I can’t afford a text plan
 
Approaching my mid-thirties
Looking like a 12-year old
Shoulder width of a woman
Vanity Fair’s new centerfold
 
This sunken-in look
Makes me your main-hotty
Same demeanor, same body
As Renton from Trainspotting
 
I know you love me
Even though I’m not healthy

Buff is the new ugly
Skinny’s the new sexy!
 
(Chorus)
I can't afford the fancy things!
This dinner's two-for-one!
 
The bottom shelf is all you get!
And these drinks are on your tab!
(End Chorus)
Track Name: Tingle
(Chorus)
Every time I look into your pretty little eyes, baby!
I find my fire burning
Deep-down In--side!
 
Just one look,
That tingle in my nerve..
 
I just wanna study ya,
And every little curve, baby!
(End Chorus)

Let me be the student
And you the professor
Put on your reading glasses
It’s time to play dress up
 
Once we’re both in character
We won’t mess up,
 I’m tingling
Thinking of fingering each answer out
 
Any chance of doubt
Is steadily dwindling
I watch you prance about
In your blouse, eating Entenmann's
 
So sexy,
You’re my powdered pastry
 Blowing me sugar kisses
You never cease to amaze me..
 
(Banter)
 
You’re my prime rib highness,
One of the finest
Cuts of meat
To strut the street in silence
 
I’m just Linus
With my blanket, walking mindless
Perhaps I need a spanking
For disregarding your kindness..
 
Ouch!
 
I didn’t intend to strike a nerve,
Just trying to be a nice guy
With a quiet concern.
 
You’re my meat and potatoes
With the spices that burn!
Take a seat at the table
I’m gonna wine and dine the shit out of you..

(Banter)
 
(Chorus)
Every time I look into your pretty little eyes, baby!
I find my fire burning
Deep-down In--side!
 
Just one look,
That tingle in my nerve..
 
I just wanna study ya,
And every little curve, baby!
(End Chorus)
 
After a full belly
Combined with a drink or two
My heart'll turn to jelly
Let me tell you what I think of you
 
Turn your head around..
Let me see that modelistic set of sunsets
Caressing your center brow
 
I think you know where we’re headed now..
Back to my Temperpedic-
Pressure-treated bed
To mess around
 
I jump out the bathroom
Dressed like a clown.
You take one look at my shoes,
And then you know we’re getting down
 
Let my Mickey-Mouse hands
Touch those sexy, brown strands
I’ve got a trick up my sleeve
And a gun in my pants.
 
Playing... baby roulette
Packing bullets in a surplus,
Love-making so intense
Its like fires at the circus
 
You like my attire?
The proof is in the purchase
I bought it just for you
Through tireless Google searches
 
Wireless web cam
Attached to the bed-stand
We’ll have a million fans--by morning
 
(Chorus)
Every time I look into your pretty little eyes, baby!
I find my fire burning
Deep-down In--side!
 
Just one look,
That tingle in my nerve..
 
I just wanna study ya,
And every little curve, baby!
(End Chorus)
Track Name: Like You to Death
I like, really wanna take you to the theater
See a non-romantic comedy
And listen as you repeat the words
 
I'll smirk as you finish Adam Sandler's sentences
While we're sippin’ on our colas
Eating peanut butter sandwiches
 
The time we spend together
Sure does have advantages
But I could care less about
Knowing where your parents live
 
I don't mean to be to mean
And I'm sorry you were not warned
But we won't be sharing secrets
Not even this bag of pop-corn
 
It's not that I'm not caring
We could watch porn
But don't try any funny stuff
This package is labeled, "Not Yours"
 
I like to keep my bubble
Distant from your peeps and mumbles
You view the forest for the trees
But all I see is trouble
 
From sea to shining sea
be all that you can be
Cause it's a hustle...
 
But you’ll never understand me..
So we will never be a couple
 
Even though your breasts are supple
To this boy in a bubble
It's all toil and trouble, like

(Chorus)
I like.. I like you to DEATH
I like you...
I like you to DEATH

I really like you... but I don't LOVE you
Don't really wanna KISS
But I sure do wanna HUUUUG!
 
I like.. I like you to DEATH
I... like you...
And I will like you until DEATH

I don’t like-like you,
Even though I trust you
There will never be an US
It’s just YOU!
(End Chorus)
 
I like, really wanna to take you to the pitch-n-putt
Be hopeful about hole-in-ones
And play a little catching up
 
It's been a minute since you and I relaxed and junk
So, grab your ball
But not mine...
 
See how easily I can pass the buck?
Fasten up your hands to that club
And swing your arms like a pendulum
 
It’s all about your center of gravity
But, while I hold your head straight
Don’t take it as me being your majesty
 
You’d like to be my queen
I’m well aware you’re all "hot for teacher"
And everything in-between
 
But you cannot win this prize
By acting all, “Charlie Sheen”
Nor looking back at me with those bright, googly eyes
 
It’d be stupid for you to devise
A plan to become concubines
Despite the AstroTurf hills
We both have to climb
 
Our friendship is endless
And any more is asinine
Perhaps me drawing the putting line
Was just a matter of time, and I...
 
(Chorus)
I like.. I like you to DEATH
I like you...
I like you to DEATH

I really like you... but I don't LOVE you
Don't really wanna KISS
But I sure do wanna HUUUUG!
 
I like.. I like you to DEATH
I... like you...
And I will like you until DEATH

I don’t like-like you,
Even though I trust you
There will never be an US
It’s just YOU!
(End Chorus)
 
I like, really wanna take to you the bowling alley
Pick up a couple spares, drink some beers
Just roll and rally
 
We'll share a handful of high-fives
As the fun increases our life-lines
I'll even let you control the tally
 
But the thing is, I already told you, Sally
Despite your fair stance, and implants
You don't peak my valleys
 
You don't speak my language
Even though you're so sweet
You seem to strike out
With each and every advance...
 
I’m not even talking pins
You’re lost in grins
 
The ginger kids
In the opposite lane
Can see the awkwardness
As I cringe
 
Watching your granny throws
Expose your panty-hose
You think it’s, "oh, so sexy"
While my head's like, “OH NOES!”
 
It’s time to take you home,
We won’t.. be following this with karaoke
That’s all she wrote
 
I surely don't need you to
Hold me closely, Tiny Dancer
Nor share a drunken duet
Of Private Eyes by Hall and Oates
 
(Chorus)
I like.. I like you to DEATH
I like you...
I like you to DEATH

I really like you... but I don't LOVE you
Don't really wanna KISS
But I sure do wanna HUUUUG!
 
I like.. I like you to DEATH
I... like you...
And I will like you until DEATH

But keep your lips zipped,
This is only friendship
There will never be an US
It’s just YOU!
(End Chorus)
Track Name: The Unihorn
You’re the one who makes me giddy-up, baby
These hoofed feet and bare chest
Have got you thinking maybe..
 
I could get with this
Suckle that horn like it's licorice
Until the break of dawn
 
I know you’re ticklish,
Despite the warnings of your fickle friends
This ride has its benefits
 
You can be my Pegasus
Your wings will spread
Until things in bed
Get ridiculous
 
Lets put an end to this
And by the end I mean
I'm giving you the tip of tenderness
 
It’s just a subtle reference.
You can manhandle
My man-candle
Until the wick is lit
 
So quick-like lickity-split
I’ve got the cure
For that wet dream
Nicotine fit
 
Blow it out girl
Make a wish
But give it some spit

Cause it’s gonna be a night
That you’ll never forget, like
 
(Chorus)
Just ride the Unihorn,
And strap that saddle on
 
Just ride that beast
Until the early mutha-fuckin’ morn’
 
He's such a sexy thing,
Just please unzip my fly!
 
He'll teach you all the things
You want to know down-deep inside!
(End Chorus)
 
My ivory is lively
And ribbed for your pleasure
Let’s see how far you can go
Break out the tape measure
 
That look of shock
Means you’re ready to rock
It’s such a treasure
Watching you riding that…
 
Stop!
 
Not so fast
I want this to last
You’ll be breaking this steed
While I’m tapping that
 
As…
 
We proceed,
Passion will lead
To a magical seed
Creating a new
Fantastical breed
 
As you will see once you're
Fastened to me
The spur of the moment
Combined with this durable component
 
Makes bestiality
A keen reality
More phallic than fallacy
More callous than Caligula
 
I’m big enough
To pierce right through
Your fantasies
Of actors, and poet’s haikus
 
I’ve been galloping for days
For a girl like you
Half-man,
Half-equestrian.... times two
 
(Chorus)
Just ride the Unihorn,
And strap that saddle on
 
Just ride that beast
Until the early mutha-fuckin’ morn’
 
He's such a sexy thing,
Just please unzip my fly!
 
He'll teach you all the things
You want to know down-deep inside!
(End Chorus)
 
Sure it’s a challenge
Balancing on this ballast
Bracing against waves
Of passion, fillin’ your palette
 
With an amount of malice
For hours with this thoroughbred
You’ll need an ice pack
Afterwards to soothe your head
 
My hooves’ll hurt
But once we’re through in bed
The proof will spurt
In the form of rainbows..
 
We’ll wake up in the same clothes
Laying next to a pot of gold
Already attained though
 
The goal's been met..
You’ll still be tossing and turning
With night sweats
 
Just a result of last night's caress
You'll be hugging your bedpost
As if it was my likeness..

You'll be tugging that bedpost
As if it was my likeness...
 
(Outro)

The Unihorn..

Such an abstract apparatus
You’ll assume I’m deformed
 
The Unihorn..

An acrobat in the sack
Giving you an asthmatic attack
 
The Unihorn..

Party in the front (Yeah),
Saddle in back
 
The Unihorn..

Turning your most secret fantasy
Into a matter of fact!
 
(Chorus)
Just ride the Unihorn,
And strap that saddle on
 
Just ride that beast
Until the early mutha-fuckin’ morn’
 
He's such a sexy thing,
Just please unzip my fly!
 
He'll teach you all the things
You want to know down-deep inside!
(End Chorus)
Track Name: Mantis
(Chorus)
I can hear those babies crying..
 
You’ve got to know,
I’m trying and trying!
 
Put the pump to the nip
My baby won’t take a sip
 
With my fist to the skies
I curse these fucking MAN TITS!
(End Chorus)

Why did god give men nipples?
You’d think it’d be all so simple
 
But I can’t get just a dribble?
What the hell is the the point
Of these over-sized pimples?
 
I couldn’t be any clearer than crystal
Staring in the mirror at two blank pistols
 
I wish they'd just blast off like missiles
There ain't no cream in this crop
So I've got ISSUES
 
These tweezers have the meanest crunch
 I’ve even tried a penis pump
 
But the wells are dry
They fail to supply the nectar
Baby needs for lunch
 
It’s not like I need breed and such
Just want some double-D’s to touch
 
If God would grant my wish
I’d plant a kiss on each
And it’d mean SO MUUUCH
 
I’m praying like a mantis...
 
Shooting blanks from these
Poor excuses for “man cannons”
 
My seed is crying and I can’t stand it
My lady’s away, so I can’t abandon it
 
There’s only so much Similac in the cabinet
I tried the cat, but she ain’t havin’ it
 
I’m running out of options..
 
Should of gone with adoption
But it’s too late now
 
(Chorus)
I can hear those babies crying..
 
You’ve got to know,
I’m trying and trying!
 
Put the pump to the nip
My baby won’t take a sip
 
With my fist to the skies
I curse these fucking MAN TITS!
(End Chorus)
 
Let’s say that I worked for Gerber
Would you consider me a pervert?
 
Investing funds in research
Inventing guns that could squeeze spurts
Out of my teats with fervor
 
If there could only be a merger
That would help me feed and nurture
 
I wouldn't need a curse word
I’d put baby's thirst first
Milky-Way cradling ‘til the curds burst
 
Ain't nothing wrong with a little man lactation
Let’s gene splice this adaptation
 
I need more than a apparatus
Attached to back fasteners
To satisfy my aspirations
 
My emotions are all glass cased-in
A sealed bottle with an expiration
 
It’s my guilt-filled plan
To become 2% milkman,
The rest fascination
 
This may come as a shocker...

But oh, what I could do with some equal knockers
I’d be the who’s who among a group of imposters….
More famous than Jack Byrnes from Meet the Fockers
 
Can’t a man just have turns to feed the foster...Kid
Wasn’t planned sure, but neither was me the father
 
I’m not try to preach a gospel
My needs aren’t hostile
I just agree that it’s possible!
 
(Chorus)
I can hear those babies crying..
 
You’ve got to know,
I’m trying and trying!
 
Put the pump to the nip
My baby won’t take a sip
 
With my fist to the skies
I curse these fucking MAN TITS!
(End Chorus)