(V1)
Ah, the birds are chirping
It’s just an average Monday
I can’t wait to start working

But first things first
At the break of dawn I’m thirsty
For a raw egg
Submerged in powdered protein

As I stumble past the mirror
I see stubbled calves
Thinking that's something
I should take care of..

So as a great display
I embrace the day
Shave my legs
And draw a bubble bath

Ah, now that’s the right combo
Naked in my condo
Looking like a hairless cat..

Flexing,
My reflection’s vexing
Calves are so smooth
I can see 'em glaring back

Saying, "You’re the next
Lance Armstrong
No one would know the difference
Between a pear
And your ass"

"Screw putting
A pair of pants on...
You're an athlete
At the track meet,
Top of your class..."

Wiggling into spandex,
Slipping ankle socks on
Admiring my outfit,
Advertisement of a Nascar

Filling my fanny pack
With granny snacks
The helmet strap snap!
Marks a plan of attack

I’m a man of the moment
Not a man of the past
Aerodynamic as an arrow,
Narrow and fast

Thin as a scarecrow
Flyer than a sparrow
My ponytailed hair blows
In the wind as I roll past

(CHORUS)
I ride TWO wheels,
You ride FOUR,
We’re both egotistical..
Meek and fickle...

No matter the audience
We’re both eyesores
On our high-horse
Whether CAR or BICYCLE

You ride FOUR wheels,
I ride TWO,
We’re both egotistical
Meek and fickle..

You don’t like ME
And I don’t like YOU
Same road, same fools
Not abiding by the same rules
(END CHORUS)

(V2)
Ah, the birds are chirping...
It’s just an average Monday
I can’t wait to start working

But first things first
At the break of dawn I’m thirsty
For a Starbucks coffee,
And a swish of Listerine

As I stumble past the mirror
I see a stubbled neck..
Thinking that's something
I should double-check ..

Before I make my way
I razor blade away the grey
And apply some “Just For Men"

Now this suit and tie combo
Make’s me a tight honcho
With a cologned,
Lustful scent

Flexing,
My reflection’s vexing
My collar's so starched
It’s like I’m dressed for a wedding..

From my cufflinks
To this designer tie
No one'll know the difference
Between me and Barry White

I’m "never gonna give you up,” my ride
Fully detailed, warmed up,
And waiting outside

Wiggling into wingtips
Slipping driving gloves on
Admiring my outfit,
Feeling "Bomb-beta-dot-com"

So manly, dapper
With my uncanny swagger
Ready to hit the road
With a plan to attack her

I’m a man of the moment
Not a man of the “past-ure"
Feeling golden
With a selfie to capture

The fact that I’m wealthy,
Healthy and happier
Than any bi-pedalling,
Fixed gear actor...

(CHORUS reversed)
I ride FOUR wheels,
You ride TWO,
We’re both egotistical
Meek and fickle..

You don’t like ME
And I don’t like YOU
Same road, same fools
Not abiding by the same rules

You ride TWO wheels,
I ride FOUR,
We’re both egotistical..
Meek and fickle...

No matter the audience
We’re both eyesores
On our high-horse
Whether CAR or BICYCLE
(END CHORUS)

(V3)
Whenever there’s a GREEN light
We both see RED
Inconsiderate fellows
Never waving, “Hello!"
Hell, no!

Hell, we’ll soon be dead
Tossing caution to the wind
With no recognition of YELLOW

We ride up the same hills,
To a place to get paid,
Still, ignoring that
Our collars are of the same build

Forget the *rules* of the road,
You never *move* when you're told
We’re out of control,
And it’s the “brakes” to remain still

We passive-aggressively
Establish intensity
And through acts of indiscretion
Cause accidents, accidentally

Duh..
It’s a problem of propensity
Perpetually..
Stuck..
Preventing any measuring
Up..

(Singing)
Here we are on the road again..
Making decisions on our own
And no one's our friend

This wasteland’s our Graceland
Our battle begins
Once our fists are all clenched
Thinking how we can win..

Here we are on the road again..
It's a race to the finish
And no one's our friend

This wasteland’s our Graceland
Our battle begins
Where the asphalt starts
And where the sidewalk... ENDS...